I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
