You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
