just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
