Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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