So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
