I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
