She went from zero to smokin in five shots
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
