dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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