we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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