She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
