Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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