Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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