i think my tv is drunk
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
How naked do you want me to be?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
