yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
