Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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