she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
