My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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