If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
