wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
