I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
