just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
