We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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