This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
