I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
