I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
