Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
