I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Randomize
