I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
