its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
