I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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