I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
