I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize
