im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
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