Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
