ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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