So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
All the doctor said was why
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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