bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
