What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Randomize
