I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
We left an ass print on the piano.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize
