A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
