So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
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