i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
