Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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