Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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