This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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