FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
