Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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