He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Everclear isn't food dammit
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
