I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Randomize
