hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
