I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
