did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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