There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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