We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
you never un-have a 4some
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
