Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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