I think I won the penis lottery.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
The air taste purple.
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