So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Green mimosas i think yes
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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