i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i think my tv is drunk
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
