some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
