Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
