I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
