Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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