Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
So much Jack, so little girl.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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