why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
