Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
she smelled like a LAN party
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
