soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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