The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
