FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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