youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
