My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
